$#!+-SHAMING: Hoboken Looks For Ways to Crackdown on Dog$#!+

Apologies in advance here, but we’re just going to call it what it is.

It’s not “doo” or “poo” or “waste” or “dookie”—it’s $#!+, and it needs to be dealt with. So if this sort of $#!+ makes you squeamish, read no further… because it’s about to get all $#!+-heavy up in here.

The City of Hoboken has announced that it will double-down on dog$#!+ fines, in an attempt to curb incidents of dog owners not curbing their dog$#!+. Fines could soon reach upwards of $2,000—more that it costs for a human to pee on the street during SantaCon.

Of course the main issue with dog$#!+ on the streets is enforcement. Apparently Mayor Bhalla met with a dog psychologist last week to discuss the issue, and it was even suggested in last week’s City Council meeting that we look into DNA testing to determine which dog did the $#!+ting.

Great meeting with @PackLeaderSteve and his team to discuss how we can work together to make sure dog owners are picking up after their dogs. I am excited to be rolling out a plan that starts tonight with increasing the fines for people not picking up after their dogs. pic.twitter.com/z58knwhX4f

— Ravinder S. Bhalla (@RaviBhalla) June 6, 2018

But we’re pretty sure it’s less about the $#!+ting dog, and more about the $#!+ty owners.

That’s because people who don’t pick up dog$#!+ are just pathologically incapable of assimilating with general society. It’s not an “awareness” thing—it’s not like these people need to be told to pick up dog$#!+ because they simply didn’t know any better.

The City of Hoboken has taken great pains to underscore just how vile dog$#!+ is. “Pet waste is full of bacteria and parasites that can cause illness in animals and people,” according to the City website. “Pet waste left on the city’s sidewalks and parks are smelly, unhealthy nuisances that often someone other than the dog owner has to remove.”

There’s no shortage of signs explaining this in town. And it’s not just one area of town. It’s not even a socio-economic issue—certain people of every background simply have the inability to come to grasp with the reality that they need to clean up after their pets.

It’s a sickness. They have a problem, and they need help… they need an “intervention,” if you will.

Leo Pelligrini, Hoboken’s Director of Health and Human Services, told the Hudson Reporter, “The only way to prevent it from happening is more boots on the ground.” But that only conjures an unfortunate image of $#!+ stuck on a boot, which happens way too often in this town.

That’s where you come in.

Engage offenders—if you see someone not curbing their dog, call out their dog$#!+ and make a scene if you have to. Don’t worry about offending them—you don’t want to be friends with these people anyway.

If you see someone calling out someone’s dog$#!+, join the fray. $#!+-shame these people into fixing their $#!+ty ways, so we can focus on other issues… like &!@%head joggers.

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