DRIVING THE VOTE: The 2016 Presidential Candidates Selling Used Cars — EDITORIAL

(image of Kurt Russell from Used Cars (1980))

EDITORIAL
by Christopher M. Halleron

Voting is a lot like buying a used car. Many of us approach the task with a certain amount of trepidation, because we realize that if we make the wrong choice, it could negatively impact our lives for the next few years.

Campaigning is a lot like selling used cars. People may have a different approach, but at the end of the day they’re just looking to close the sale.

Here’s how I would imagine the remaining 2016 Presidential Candidates as used car salespeople:

Donald Trump (Republican): “You. Yeah, you. Your car sucks.
Buy this car. It’s the best car ever.
It’s huge. It’ll get you laid. Seriously.
How?
Don’t worry about it—just trust me…”

Hillary Clinton (Democrat): “Buy my car! Seriously—it’s great.
It’s the same car you’ve always bought. It’s the car all your friends are driving. It’s the car you SHOULD buy.
What?
No, you may not look under the hood—JUST BUY THE G*DDAMN CAR… Thanks!”

Bernie Sanders (Democrat): “Look, you’re paying way too much for a car already, and it’s a piece of garbage.
If you just increase your monthly payment just a tiny bit, I can get you the best car you could ever imagine—great mileage, free maintenance, lifetime warranty.
I just need you to work with me here.”

Gary Johnson (Libertarian): “Hey, there are a lot of bells and whistles on this car that you don’t need.
How about we just start you off with a base model?
With the money you save, you can get your own aftermarket accessories as you see fit.
Oh, and undercoating? That’s total BS.”

Jill Stein (Green Party): “Are you sure you really need a car? It’s much healthier to walk.
Maybe ride a bike instead???”

Caveat emptor, America…

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Christopher M. Halleron is the Publisher/Editor of hMAG.
As a columnist and journalist, he has covered various aspects of life here in the ‘greater Hoboken area’ and beyond for the past two decades.
His opinions are his own.