Now We Fight the Snow, For the Good of the People
It’s time once again for our annual call to action…
Hoboken will be well above freezing for the next few days, giving us all a chance to fight our icy oppressor, and reclaim what is ours.
The remnants of SNOBOKEGDDOPOCALYZZARD ’16 have choked the arteries of our fair land for the past nine days. The City of Hoboken had been clearing street-by-street, with snow emergency routes taking priority. Now, we resume standard alternate-side parking—ideally to wipe out the rest of the now-putrefied precipitation gobbling up our precious parking spaces.
As temps have undulated back and forth around the freezing mark, snowbanks all over town have formed hardened exoskeletons, reinforced by gravel, urine and smatterings of vomit.
With temps remaining solidly above freezing, these exoskeletons will weaken—so take your reprisals now. Get medieval on that snowbank. Hack it open, eviscerate it and let it bleed out into the sewers.
Not only is it cathartic, but the exposed surface area of the excavated mounds will allow for a more rapid melt-off over the next few days—which means YOU can actually kill that snowbank in front of your house where every jerk on your street put all the damn snow last Sunday.
In the time it takes you to write a snarky post on the City’s facebook page about snow removal, you can get off your very own ass, walk away from the computer, and go smash a snowbank with a shovel. That way, when you eventually come back to write that post, you can do so from a position of moral superiority.
If you’re a healthy Hobokenite with a taste for vengeance and a good shovel, we need you out in the streets.
Na zdorovie, komrad.